Woodham Mortimer CC (play-cricket.com)
With perhaps the biggest arm in the club it only makes sense that Pete Harness wishes to be a keeper. Despite him being too tall and gangly for the role. “Why not be a fast bowler? Your height and frame would generate loads of pace if you worked on it? You have such a huge arm – surely its wasted behind those stumps?” These questions are ones that remain with the mysteries of the universe, and much like these abnormal wonders it is wonder who ever put it in Harness’s head that taking up the gloves would be a grand adventure.
Ever the Bert to Toby’s Ernie, Pete followed his close friend from Boreham at the start of the 2016 campaign. His large athletic structure and dashing good looks were enough for Captain Brown to place our young Pete as a solid member of the WMCC 2nd XI – where he would trundled out to bat and put fear into the hearts of all division 8 bowling that come up against the wrath of his overpriced and underused Krakatoa Newberry. Rumour has it that Pete loves his bat so much that he purposely misses straight balls to ensure not a scratch comes upon it, and so for now, much like Krakatoa did many moons ago before its explosion – it lies dormant.
But it would be unfair to suggest that our young Peter, often known as Pete the Feet, or PH Levels, or P-Rex (there are a multitude of names I will leave out otherwise the list will be as long as his feet) that he has not contributed sufficiently in his first season at the club. Prone to the odd catch, and dynamite 6-hitting, Pete is an exciting young talent that will continue to develop as the seasons go on. His technique is as promising and solid as his chiselled jaw-line, and his bat – although yet unused in a big innings, looks as good as he does – as Mr Tash recently pointed out his aesthetically pleasing nature and confusion as to whether he was a man or a lady.
We’re not quite sure what Mr Tash meant either. Alas, welcome Peter and your extraordinary large feet.